We all want to change our bodies. We don't like our hips, our nose, or the way our hair never wants to stay straight in humid weather. Sometimes it's little cosmetic things, other times it is not so trivial. Sometimes we want to change so that our bodies are a healthy weight or so that we are fit enough to be able to take walks or jogs with our loved ones without being out of breath and exhausted.
When I got married I was 165 pounds. Of course, I still wanted to lose some inches, but overall I was proud of the way my body looked. I had worked hard to look good in my dress and I loved the results. After we got married I was diagnosed with a condition called Interstitial Cystitis (or IC) which is a non-bacterial infection in the lining of my bladder, I found myself in near constant pain and discomfort. It affected intimacy with my husband and I was constantly running to the restroom. A visit to the gynecologist helped me so much, she prescribed a medicine to help me manage the pain while dealing with other treatment options.
I was very hopeful that a new diet and the medicine would be my saving grace, but the medicine caused it's own host of problems. I found myself depressed,constantly exhausted, and had a ravenous appetite at all times. I quickly gained weight and inches, making the depression worse than ever and my confidence disappear each time I realized that I did not fit into another piece of clothing I loved.
I finally decided to stop the medicine and although it took my appetite a month or two to return to normal, I was glad to be eating rationally again. By the time my appetite was back to a rational level, however, my weight had reached 232 pounds. I felt like I would never lose all of that weight and felt hopeless.
For the next few months I didn't change any of my bad habits or try to exercise more, instead I let myself drown in self pity and misery. I finally hit the breaking point when I went to buy myself pants that fit and realized that I had gone from a size 14 (and almost fitting into 12) to having to wear an 18W. I bought the pants and swore that I was done with feeling sorry for myself. I didn't go out and start a radical diet or start exercising for hours a day. I knew that if I wanted to be in this for the long haul, I had to make realistic goals. So I made a list of my worst habits. Eating late night snacks before bed, having primarily carb heavy meals, and having no moderation with my favorite foods were the biggest offenders. The first thing I did was eliminate the foods I could not eat in moderation. Popcorn and saltines are actually a serious temptation for me. I have no idea why, but I could (and had many times) eat a sleeve of saltines in a sitting, or eating a whole bag of movie theater butter popcorn during a movie by myself. Those foods were banned from the house, no exceptions. I also started taking walks that were about 15 minutes longer with my dog each day. They were little things, but slowly I realized that I didn't miss my bad habits once I had stopped them.
It took a while for me to see the changes, but I was slowly losing weight. I did not weigh myself very often during the first period of changes because I did not want to feel disappointed in myself if I didn't lose weight fast enough for my liking. I knew if I got discouraged it would be that much harder to continue to making other changes toward a healthier me.
A long road was ahead of me, but I was ready to make the changes I needed to in order to become a healthier, and skinnier, me.
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